True Confessions Read online

  “You keep telling yourself that.” She shook her head and finally let go of Lynn’s arm. “Maybe someday you’ll convince yourself it’s true.”

  “This is insane.” Lynn stood and took her glass to the kitchen, wishing she’d never mentioned Jessie to Bri. Leave it to a therapist. Mention you’re in love with someone once, and they’d never let it go. “Are you going to watch Oscar, or do I need to call someone else?”

  “I’ll do it, for you.” Bri sighed as she looked at the cat, who was sitting in the window once again. “Go get dressed—and don’t forget to bring your white T-shirt.”

  Chapter Two

  At 4 Ladies, Saturday nights were always busy, but wet T-shirt contests brought out the lesbians from miles around. As a result, the bar was packed, wall-to-wall women of every kind, and all of them beautiful in their own way. Lynn and Bri shoved their way through the bodies to the bar, somehow managing to not get separated. They waited, successfully inching forward until they finally made it close enough to place their order.

  “Hi, Renee!” Lynn said cheerily, moving in close enough that the bartender could hear her. “I’ll have a shot and a beer, and a white wine for Bri.”

  Lynn rarely ordered anything other than wine, but when she did, Renee knew exactly what she wanted. As she got their drinks, Lynn watched her. Renee had been the first woman Lynn became involved with after moving to San Francisco almost fifteen years earlier. It had been a brief affair, but Renee had introduced Lynn to the local nightlife.

  After setting the drinks on the bar in front of Lynn, Renee placed one hand over Lynn’s as Lynn reached into her pocket with her other hand for some cash and shook her head. She tilted her chin toward the far end of the bar to her left, and Lynn looked in that direction. “You have an admirer.”

  “Wow, not even ten minutes.” Bri bowed in reverence, and Lynn glanced at her, irritated. “Clearly I have underestimated your mighty powers of seduction. Please forgive me.”

  Lynn chose to ignore Bri for the moment. “Which one is it?”

  “The really young one by herself down there,” Renee said. “Green T-shirt, red hair in a ponytail. I’ve never seen her before, but she’s paying for this round.”

  “Have you ever spent any money in this bar?” Bri joked.

  “Not a dime.”

  “I can vouch for that.” Renee tapped the back of Lynn’s hand to get her attention again. “You should go introduce yourself, honey.”

  “I’ll be right back.” Lynn downed the shot of whiskey, then picked up her bottle of beer and pushed toward the end of the bar.

  “I won’t wait up!” Bri called before Lynn got too far away to hear the remark. Lynn simply waved over her shoulder without looking back.

  It seemed to Lynn to take forever to reach the end of the bar. The mingled stench of cigarettes, beer, sweat, and perfume overwhelmed her. More than a few hands brushed her backside as she squeezed through the sea of women, not all of those touches accidental.

  All kinds of women were there—some scantily clad, some wearing leather. A few wore makeup, but the majority didn’t. A lot of them had on jeans and T-shirts, but some sported skirts or dresses. Several eyed Lynn appreciatively as she shoved past, but Lynn simply grinned and kept on moving. She loved the fact that women were attracted to her, and it really didn’t matter to her if it was only because of the local fame she’d achieved as an author. A lot of these women knew who she was, and she played it for all it was worth.

  “Thanks for the drink,” Lynn said when she had finally reached the woman in the green T-shirt. She held out her hand in greeting. “I’m Lynn.”

  “Norah.” A nervous smile pulled at Norah’s lips when she briefly gripped Lynn’s hand.

  “I don’t remember seeing you here before.” Lynn casually rested an elbow on the bar and stood near her, to make conversation easier.

  “It’s my first time.” Norah kept her attention on the bottle of beer sitting in front of her.

  Lynn chuckled at the way the young woman avoided making eye contact with anyone. The women in the bar expected to be looked at. After all, it was a pick-up joint.

  “First time here,” Lynn moved even closer, “or at any lesbian bar?”

  “Is it that obvious?” Norah glanced away.

  “Maybe a little. How old are you, anyway?”

  Norah hesitated, and the tremulous smile wavered. Lynn considered walking away and forgetting about Norah, who was much too young. Deep down, Lynn’s heart wasn’t in it anyway. She couldn’t seem to get Charlie’s earlier news out of her mind. She found herself hoping against hope that Jessie and Wayne really had separated. Lynn shook her head and began to step back from the bar, but stopped when a hand gently gripped her forearm.

  “Does it really matter?” Norah’s tone and demeanor were much more confident. Lynn stepped back in, curious as to what Norah intended to say. She smiled seductively as she finally gave Lynn an appraising look. “I mean, we’re two women who know what we want. Should age really be a factor?”

  “Then tell me what you want, Norah.” Lynn stood even closer so she could speak softly into Norah’s ear. Norah was clearly hiding behind a brave façade, and Lynn quickly decided to call her on it. The timid young woman who only moments before had admitted to never being in a lesbian bar seemed far more real—and more appealing—to Lynn than the one full of false bravado.

  She pulled back slightly and looked into Norah’s eyes. That frightened girl was back, obviously not having expected Lynn to call her bluff. Lynn moved closer and, breathing softly into Norah’s ear, spoke just loud enough to be heard over the pulsing dance music.

  “What do you want, Norah?” Lynn grunted in satisfaction when Norah shuddered slightly. “Do you even know? Do you want to experiment, just to see what sex with another woman would be like? Do you want a one-night stand? Or are you looking for someone to share with your boyfriend? If it’s the latter, I should tell you now, I’m not into men.”

  Hearing no response, Lynn backed away to get a better look at Norah’s face. Norah’s confusion was clear in her expression and body language.

  “How can you possibly know what you want when you can’t even tell the one you supposedly want it from?” Lynn held up her beer bottle with a wry grin. “You’re trying to pick me up, remember?”

  “I’m sorry.” Norah shook her head and stood to leave. It was Lynn’s turn to stop her with a hand to her forearm.

  “No, I’m sorry.” Lynn could only hope she sounded as sincere as she felt. Please tell me I’m not always this big of an ass. Clearly she’d taken the game too far and didn’t have enough sense to know when to back off.

  “I’m twenty-one, all right?” Norah finally said. “I just wanted to see what this place was like, because I think I might be a lesbian. I don’t have a boyfriend, and a one-night stand might be all I can handle.”

  Lynn seriously considered taking Norah home with her, but Charlie’s phone call suddenly echoed in her head. She glanced out at the dance floor and tried to bring her thoughts back to the present. When she returned her attention to Norah, Lynn knew she’d be going home alone.

  “Look, I really am sorry.” Lynn urged her to take her seat again. “I’m having a bad day—hell, I’m having a bad life—and I shouldn’t have taken it out on you. There are a lot of nice women out there. Unfortunately, at least for tonight, I’m not one of them. What made you pick me anyway? You could probably have your choice of just about anyone in this place. Frankly, I’m surprised you aren’t already surrounded.”

  “I saw you walk in, and I was captivated,” Norah said as she met Lynn’s eyes. The music stopped suddenly—apparently it was time for the wet T-shirt contest to begin. “Haven’t you ever seen someone and felt an instant attraction?”

  “Yes,” Lynn said, fighting an urge to glance over her shoulder at Bri. “Listen, if I were in a different state of mind, things would be different between us. But as I said, it’s not a good night.”

  �
��Are you with the woman you came in with?” Norah indicated Bri, and Lynn finally did look in her direction, only to find that she was still in the same spot where she’d left her. “I think she’s trying really hard not to stare at us.”

  “Bri likes to live vicariously through me.” Lynn brought her attention back to Norah. “She’s only a friend, but I really should be getting back over there.”

  “Can I give you my phone number?” Norah reached over the bar and grabbed a pen and a fresh napkin to write on. “In case you change your mind. I live alone.”

  Lynn waited patiently for her to write the number down, then watched Norah quickly leave the bar. Her mind wandered a bit, and her own words came back to haunt her—How can you possibly know what you want when you can’t even tell the one you supposedly want it from?

  “Is it possible that they’ve really separated?” she muttered under her breath, allowing the thought to truly take hold for the first time since Charlie’s phone call. Maybe it wasn’t simply a fantasy anymore. Maybe this was her chance to finally lay her cards on the table. She needed to know if there was a chance for anything between them. They’d shared a kiss once in high school after flirting with one another all year, and Lynn had never really given up hope that there could be more between them, that Jessie wasn’t just flirting with the unknown.

  “Get a grip,” she said to herself. “Even if they have separated, there has to be a reason, and Jessie will be upset. I need to be a friend for her now, not another complication. And she’s straight.” Even as she spoke, her heart rebelled and she pressed her hand to it, as though she could keep it from splitting in half.

  “Talking to yourself? That could seriously deplete your possible dating pool.” Bri’s voice came from directly behind her, rudely jerking her back from her musings. Lynn closed her eyes and took a deep breath before facing her. “She left awfully fast. Losing your touch, Romeo?”

  “She came on strong, so I did too.” Lynn forced a smile before swallowing the last of her beer and placing the empty bottle on the bar.

  “So in other words, you scared her to death,” Renee said as she set another shot and a beer in front of Lynn with a wink. “From another admirer.”

  “Jesus,” Bri muttered.

  Lynn looked in the direction Renee indicated and saw an incredibly attractive brunette, much closer to Lynn’s age than Norah had been, raising a glass her way and smiling. Lynn smiled back before picking up the shot glass and downing the whiskey, then half of the beer. She lifted the bottle in a gesture of gratitude toward the woman who’d paid for it, then set it down in front of Renee.

  “I’m going home.”

  “Alone?” Bri and Renee said in unison.

  “I’m not in the mood.” She just wanted to get to Portland and see Jessie. She had to know what was going on. She couldn’t, wouldn’t, examine it too closely, but she had to be there in case Jessie needed someone to talk to. Needed her. “If I had been, I probably would have taken advantage of that sweet young thing.”

  Just before Lynn walked away, she heard Bri say to Renee, “Since when is she not in the mood?”

  Lynn chose to ignore the comment, because it was true. She was always in the mood. Charlie’s phone call had put her life in a tailspin, whether she wanted to admit it or not. She did her best not to think about the reasons she was going home alone.

  Chapter Three

  Jessica Greenfield glanced at her watch again, wondering where in the world her sister was. She sat back in her chair and took a good look around the bar Sarah had named The Living Room. It was a Tuesday night, and the place was deserted. Two women were playing pool in the corner, and one guy was watching the basketball game from a seat at the bar.

  Her sister, Karen, had invited her out for a drink, and now it appeared as if she was being stood up. With a sigh, she looked over her shoulder and saw Sarah, Karen’s partner of the last ten years, heading her way.

  “Jess, Karen just called, and she’s hung up with a client.” Sarah looked apologetic, and Jessie simply nodded. Unfortunately, she was used to it. “She’s—”

  “Really sorry, I know. Such is the life of a corporate attorney.” Jessie picked up her purse and started to stand, but she stopped when Sarah took a seat across from her. “Aren’t you working?”

  “We’re dead tonight.” Sarah looked around at the three people in the bar before returning her attention to Jessie with a shrug. “I’m thinking about reducing the hours and only opening Thursday through Sunday. So, if you don’t mind the company, I’m yours—at least until somebody needs a refill.”

  Jessie didn’t know what to say. Karen had invited her here to talk about Wayne. Sarah and Karen had told her they’d had misgivings about him before they got married, but she’d refused to listen. She concentrated on the scotch on the rocks in front of her.

  “Has he been bothering you again?” Sarah asked, placing a hand on top of Jessie’s. “You know you can come and stay with us, right? We love you and Amber, and in spite of what you think, you wouldn’t be in the way.”

  “He’s in Las Vegas.” Jessie shook her head and fought the tears that threatened to fall. She hated becoming so sensitive during the past few months. She cried about almost anything lately. She hated Wayne for pushing all her buttons and forcing her to live her life as an emotional bundle of nerves, and for making her feel weak. “I refuse to let him have enough power to push me around anymore, but the house is in his name. When he finishes this job in Vegas and is back in town, I may want Amber to stay with you for a while. A six-year-old little girl shouldn’t have to deal with all this crap.”

  “Whatever you need, honey, you know that.” Sarah removed her hand and sat back in her seat while she watched Jessie with obvious concern. Jessie squirmed under the scrutiny. “Has he been in contact with you?”

  “He tries, but I don’t answer the cell when he calls.” Jessie met Sarah’s eyes. The sympathy she saw there made her look away again with a short laugh. Jesus, how had her mother dealt with it for so many years? “I really need to get caller ID on the landline, though. I could kick myself whenever I answer it and it’s him.”

  “Does he know about the restraining order?”

  “I told him, but he doesn’t care. Apparently his lawyer hasn’t informed him of it yet.” Jessie took a big slug of the scotch and closed her eyes as it burned its way down her throat. When she opened them again, she tucked an annoying strand of hair behind her ears and met Sarah’s gaze. “But he’s really going to freak when he finds out about the divorce.”

  “When do you see the lawyer about that?”

  “Tomorrow morning.” Jessie nodded when Sarah held up a finger to let her know she needed to get something for a customer. While she was gone, Jessie let out a big breath, absently running her finger along the rim of her glass. Why hadn’t she listened when Karen, Sarah, and even Lynn had voiced their doubts about her marrying Wayne? For God’s sake, her parents had been the only ones who did approve of him. That should have been a ripped-up red flag.

  But things hadn’t always been bad between them. He’d been the perfect boyfriend, and when they married almost eight years ago, he’d been the perfect husband—at least for a while. He’d been attentive, and loving, and wanted to spend every possible moment with her. Not long after they were married, though, he’d pushed for her to give up her career as a freelance graphic artist. Luckily she’d kept in touch with many of her former clients, and now that she was on her own again, a few of them were beginning to give her more and more work.

  But when she got pregnant things had really begun to change. Wayne started spending more time away from home, and though Jessie suspected he was having an affair, she never confronted him. Truthfully, part of her wanted him to be having an affair. Their relationship had been slowly falling apart, and it would have made a break between them so much easier. She’d never felt what people described as love—that weak-kneed, head-over-heels feeling with him—and after she got pregnant, sh
e was happy when he didn’t come home, preferring her own company to his overbearing presence.

  When Amber was born, Wayne seemed to revert back to his old self, and they were once again a fairly happy couple. He spent more time at home and always helped with the baby. They renewed their friendship, although what little passion that had existed between them had vanished. When Amber turned two, he changed again, almost overnight. He started hanging out with some of the guys from work, and if Jessie had known at the time that he’d started doing drugs, she’d have kicked him out. As it turned out, she hadn’t found out about the drugs until a few months before she ended up in the hospital.

  Jessie hated to admit to herself that she was scared about the future. If Wayne could dupe her so easily into thinking he was a wonderful, caring man, what chance did she have with anyone else? Was she doomed to repeat the same mistakes her mother had made? She sat up a little straighter as she reminded herself she’d kicked Wayne out. That alone made her infinitely stronger than her mother had ever been. Jessie would never allow anyone to hurt her daughter.

  “Sorry about that.” Sarah again took a seat and set a new glass of scotch in front of Jessie.

  Jessie waved away the apology. “No problem.” Just then her cell phone on the table began to vibrate and she jumped, her pulse quickening. She slowly reached for it, praying it wouldn’t be Wayne. When she turned it over and saw Lynn Patrick on the display, she relaxed and let out her breath. She shook her head at Sarah’s worried expression. “It’s Lynn.”

  “I’ll be right back.” Sarah stood and went back to the bar to give her some privacy.